A Perfect Name For Snorkacks
by kci47
Summary: Ron and Luna find themselves in an embarrassing social situation at a Ministry ball several years post-battle. Written for the "Awkward Situation" competition on HPFC. EWE, AU in that a certain someone is still alive, and is there a nifty acronym to indicate that a ridiculous plot is about to ensue? Rated T for a teensy bit of language.


Ron fidgeted awkwardly with his dress robes. Even though he had long since purchased a newer, more modern set than the ones he'd worn to the Yule Ball so many years ago, he always felt distinctly uncomfortable in the formal attire. He looked around for Harry or Hermione, hoping to spend the evening with his friends. He spotted the familiar messy black hair on the other side of the room. Looking down to the petite woman at his side, a grin spread across Ron's face.

Luna was garbed in a robe of brightest green ("to ward off the Nargles," she'd said) and there were sparkling yellow constellations patterning her outfit. They weren't any constellations Ron had ever heard of, however: in fact, he sincerely doubted that the "Niffler Reunion" or the "Upside-Down Skrewt" were real constellations spotted by real astrologists. Still, it was one of Luna's favorite outfits, so he just enjoyed the way the glimmering constellations reflected in her eyes.

He'd considered himself extremely lucky when she had agreed to be his wife last year. She was light and airy where he was dark and earthy; she never failed to make him laugh, even when a difficult Auror case was keeping him up at night. She was his Felix Felicis, and he didn't particularly care who knew it.

Entwining her hand in his, he tugged her towards the back corner where he'd seen Harry last, nodding and smiling at people as they passed. He didn't want to be rude, but nor did he want to become embroiled in some lame discussion with any of the aspiring politicians here. They had nearly reached Harry and Ginny when they bumped quite literally into Hermione and her husband.

Seeing Hermione's tall, blond, jovial husband was always a bit of a shock for Ron, even though he and Hermione were as friendly as they had ever been. Knowing the man personally, it was hard for Ron to assimilate what he knew of the man's personality with his dashing good looks. But, the blond man made Hermione disgustingly happy, so he couldn't complain much. Mumbling "sorry" to the man, Ron stepped back, feeling distinctly tense.

"Hi!" Hermione greeted them over the blare of the music. "Did you just get here?"

Luna and Hermione immediately began to discuss the soiree and the others in attendance, leaving Ron to smile uncomfortably at her husband.

"Nice robes," the man said, a definite gleam of amusement in his features. Ron puffed out his chest and straightened his shoulders, affronted at the subtle reminder of his spectacularly awful Yule Ball appearance.

"Thank you," he said stiffly. He was about to wrench Luna away from Hermione to join Harry and Ginny when Dean, Seamus, and Neville approached their group. Smiling genuinely at the other Gryffindor boys, Ron exchanged several hearty handshakes and received three slaps on the back. He was just striking up a conversation with Seamus about the upcoming Quidditch World Cup when he realized that the three newcomers were all staring with thinly veiled interest at Hermione's husband. Looking around and realizing that Hermione had been commandeered by Justin Finch-Fletchley to impress some foreign diplomat, Ron recognized that the task of introductions fell to him.

"Er, Seamus, Dean, Neville—this is Hermione's husband, um—" Ron flushed a deep crimson. For the life of him, he could not remember the man's name! Oh, this was bad, very bad indeed. Hermione was going to kill him—if the hulking blond man didn't do it first. "Mister, ah..."

"Severus Snape," Luna announced helpfully. "I believe you all knew him from school?" Ron choked as three pairs of eyes widened in shock. Make that four pairs—Hermione's husband was looking rather surprised, himself.

"That's not Professor Snape, Luna!" Ron finally managed. "It's-"

But before he could make up a suitable name to cover the fact that he couldn't remember the man's real one, Luna had tilted her head and spoken again in the way that indicated she was confused. "Are you sure? I'm quite certain that's Professor Snape," she stated calmly, eyeing the blond man with her usual distant interest.

"No, dear, it's _not_," Ron mumbled. The man merely raised his eyebrows at Luna's direct gaze.

"I really think it is," she insisted. "Look, there—he just raised his eyebrows half a centimeter. Professor Snape always raised his eyebrows half a centimeter, too. You must just be confused by his new face-"

Ron stomped on Luna's foot, attempting to shut her up. This situation had gone from bad to worse. The three boys were trying to hide their chuckles as Luna turned her inquisitive gaze to Ron. "Did you realize my foot was exactly where you just tried to place yours?"

"I'm sorry, love," Ron crooned, trying desperately to figure out a way to salvage this situation. "Anyway, what were we saying? Oh, yes, guys, this is Hermione's husband, erm-"

"Gordon Lockmart," Hermione interjected smoothly, stepping back into their circle, her conversation with Justin apparently finished. "Dear, these are some of the boys in my year, Dean Thomas, Neville Longbottom, and Seamus Finnigan." Gordon—was that really his name?—shook their hands, and the trio took their leave, saying they were headed for the table piled high with hors d'oeuvres.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Ron's shoulders slumped. "Blimey, Hermione, that was a nightmare!" he blurted out. "How am I supposed to remember that name?"

A large grin split her face, and Ron saw Gordon's features contort in a scowl. "Oh, it's actually quite easy," Hermione responded breezily. "Just remember that it's rather similar to Gilderoy Lockhart, and you'll be fine." She patted Gordon's arm lovingly, and Ron quickly averted his face from the expression of irritated devotion on the man's face.

"You let her name you after _Gilderoy Lockhart_? Bloody hell—and the hair—I never realized before-"

His incoherent train of words was interrupted by his adorably confused wife. "Oh, when did you drop the Severus? I rather liked that name." She paused for a minute before continuing, a thread of hopefulness infusing her question. "If you aren't using it, might we? It's such a striking name, it would be perfect for a son. Or a pet Snorkack," she added thoughtfully.

This time Ron did choke. Luna stared at him serenely while Gordon thumped him on the back with rather too much vigor for Ron's liking. "Luna," he gasped. "We are _not _naming our son Severus! ...I mean, no offense, it's a wonderful name," he trailed off lamely as Gordon glared at him.

"Of course it's a wonderful name, you nitwit," Gordon growled. "And Mrs. Weasley, though I am quite flattered, I would like to keep the name for now, in case I find I do have use for it in the near future, if that's alright with you."

"Oh, certainly. You're entitled to your own name, after all." Luna gave Gordon and Hermione a broad smile before turning to Ron. "You really must tell me when people decide to use different names, Ronald. It was almost embarrassing when I called him Severus in front of the boys."

Ron just shook his head. _Almost _embarrassing? It had been downright awkward. He wasn't sure they'd ever get used to referring to Severus Snape as _Gordon Lockmart _of all things. In the past few years he'd changed his name and appearance so often Ron had lost track, but ever since he'd married Hermione last year, he'd had to stay in one role, and apparently Hermione had chosen the blond doppelganger for their erstwhile Defense teacher. Deciding it was _finally _time to go see Harry, Ron grasped Luna's arm and made their excuses. Judging by the disgusting smolder in Gordon's eyes, and the answering look in Hermione's, they would not be missed.

As they neared Harry and Ginny, Luna spoke up. "Why can't we call him Severus, again?"

"No one's supposed to know that he's alive, sweetheart," Ron replied. They had had this conversation on a regular basis whenever the Order got together and there was one unfamiliar face in the mix. "That's why he was changing his appearance so often for a while."

"Oh. Is he still a Death Eater?"

"What?" Ron tried, honestly, but sometimes he just couldn't follow his dear Luna's train of thought. He suspected it was closer to a Celtic knot of thought than something so linear as a train, but still.

"If he's still a Death Eater then I can understand why he'd have to hide," she explained.

"He'll always be a Death Eater, Luna," Ron answered patiently. "But without Voldemort, the name doesn't mean anything. He just—doesn't want to deal with all the publicity if it ever got out that Severus Snape, Deceased War Hero, was actually still around. That's why he's blond and tall and everything?"

"Well, he's much uglier now, so I can't see how that's any better than being famous," Luna declared. Ron's face scrunched up as he tried to figure out how Luna thought Snape's appearance had gotten _worse_, but he gave up. Best to leave that one alone.

Finally they drew up to Harry and Ginny, and Ron sighed in relief.

"Already having a bad time?" Ginny teased him.

"You have no idea," he muttered, and Harry laughed.

"I saw you talking to Hermione and Snape," Harry said sympathetically. "His personality hasn't improved much, has it?"

"No," Ron growled, remembering the way _Gordon _had "complimented" his new robes.

"Ronald forgot his name when we were introducing him to the other boys," Luna cheerfully ratted him out. "Luckily Hermione came along and reminded us that he's going by Gregory Lupin now."

Harry and Ginny both looked at Ron, their eyes dancing with mirth. Ron decided it was too much effort to try and correct Luna, so he wrapped his arms around her instead. "That's right, darling. Just like our old teacher." At least she'd got some of it right, in a strange way. "Why don't you come dance with me?"

Ron and Luna spent the rest of the evening dancing, joking with Harry and Ginny, and, at least on Ron's part, fastidiously avoiding the man with the blond hair.

* * *

**A/N: Written for the "Awkward Situation" competition on HPFC. My characters were Luna and Ron, and the awkward situation was introducing someone to a group and forgetting their name. I couldn't decided which would be more unexpected-Luna forgetting Ron's name entirely, or Ron slipping up and calling her Loony-so I decided to have them both be awkwardly forgetting someone else's name instead. Just a silly little piece, hope you enjoyed it! It's the first time I've written a Runa...or is it a Lunald? I have no idea, but I hope they came off alright.** **(PS WeasleySeeker-so, so sorry about the pairing here! :) )**


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